Audacious Sour Grapes

There are some people I know who are brilliant quizzers. They are also the heartthrobs of many. I am a great admirer but have successfully been able to safeguard my heart from the throbbing syndrome. It is a very tough job but consciously undertaken. When I hear others drooling over them, I wish I could be that carefree. I am brave but not a masochist.

After a lot of thought, I realized that certain genetic disorders run in the paternal side of my family and affects the women only.

- The women are as egotistical (if not more) than the men in the family.
- They are as accomplished in their chosen field (if not more) than their counterparts (not necessarily male).
- They are far too practical for their own good.
- They are far less emotional than is normal for any woman to be.

With no sense of pride, I accept inheritance of all the above disorders. I am as scared of giving up my independence as if I were a male. I cannot trust easily and the prospect of sharing my life with someone seems scarier by the day. Hence, despite the fact that the men (I spoke of in the first sentence), come very close to my own definition of the 'perfect man', I cannot drool :( Such is the bane of my life.

Getting back to the topic now. A friend of mine called this weekend and asked me to attend a quiz show, where these prime male specimens would be present. I decided to play sour grapes in front of her than accept the lame truth.

The lame truth was - I had oiled my hair, had no plans of going out and therefore no means either of traveling to the venue which was quite a distance away :-( That's the truth and nothing but the truth and its sheer lameness is evidence.

Now comes the interesting part. I started thinking on my feet to give her some audacious excuse for not wanting to go, yet not accept my serious case of 'sour grapes'. Here is what I came up with.

I asked her, "What's the point of attending? There's nothing much for us to do."

And she said, "Well for starters, xxxxx is going to be there :-)."

I discounted that as a very 'silly girly' observation. So I said to her, "Listen don't waste your time on dreaming. Such people do not bother about our presence or the lack of it. I know your xxxxx is super cool and super nice and super everything....but he will also want someone as superior. However, if you want to go, feel free, but I am not coming to waste my energy."

So she says, "You are so mean. Aren't you my friend? If I do not go that xxxxx will make sure she gets all his attention. As it is I am not that great a quizzer. You know I have a bad memory."

My friend is a really sweet girl and she is crazy about this guy. I wish he would notice, but I know him to be otherwise engaged. I tried telling her that, but she is hopeful and has a lot of excuses for being so. As a friend, I keep my mouth shut but I shall not aid in breaking her heart over someone so clearly different from the likes of us. Of course if fate intervenes, I shall be the happiest for my friend.

So I tried a different line of reasoning, because the normal truth has never worked. Here is what I said, "Listen, don't sell yourself short. Who says you aren't good enough? Infact, you are smarter. These guys might come on TV, have a huge fan following and intelligent and blah blah...but what is the point?"

She says "Huh!? I am confused. What are you saying? Do you know xxxxx and xxxxx are every woman's dream come true?"

Of course I know that! Had I been normal, I might very well be in love with one of them myself, but it was not the time to accept it in front of her. Especially now that I had started on a new thought process!!!!

So again in the best imitation of a wise-man voice, I could manage, I said, "Do you know what is GK? It is just 'Good to Know' knowledge. Basically it is about remembering a lot of history and that is such a waste! Yeah maybe to an extent to have to be aware of things going on around you...but it is all so mundane and boring!!! Now, what is interesting is the future. That is what you and I work for. We are the ones who do interesting stuff. We build futuristic fraud protection infrastructure!!!"

All the while I am thinking to myself, "What crap!" My friend seems lost, and all I get from her is another "Huh!?"

So I try again. I say, "Listen. Imagine you and xxxxx were asked to work on a project. Both of you had your own Google search facility. Now if I asked you both a question, the only difference would be, that xxxxx might answer immediately and it would take you about 15 minutes to find it on Google. 15 minutes! Its no big deal! Why waste valuable time and grey cells over something like that??? Do you see what I mean?"

Somehow, my friend understood all of this audacious crap & liked it too.

"Tell you what," she says, "that is the best reasoning I have heard so far, to not invest time on GK. Its so cool! You are brilliant! Thanks for being my friend. I love you! I am not going either. If he asks me, I shall say what you just said."

I felt euphoric for saving a dear friend some grief. I know xxxxx or xxxxx will never ask any of us why we did not turn up. They couldn't care less. But I still wonder how she understood all that ridiculous nonsense, I came up with. I cannot disown having said all of the above but pray that those men in question never read this... :-(