On fumes!

The women in my family have always had one complaint - They cannot find anything to complain about the men in the family! - Ours is a woeful story.

My cousin brothers were disgusted when despite their repeated attempts to teach, I could not learn to drive a car. My father was relieved when I learned to change the fuse and watched him tear apart (& repair) my cherished and only, two-wheeler. One day, I had an accident and the shock absorbers of my scooter were twisted such that the front wheel and the handle turned perpendicular to the foot-guard. I drove back home with a nicely bleeding arm & stiff bottom while praying that my bike could be repaired. The scooter was new and I had expected a lot of scolding but eventual pampering. To my surprise all I got was a resounding WOW! Of course dad immediately took me to the hospital for a thorough check and a tetanus shot (Yuck!). Later all the men in the family embraced my tenacity and enterprise and were curious to see what angle I had held the steering handle when the wheel was turned in such a fashion! I only got some 'ohh-ahhing' from the women. Sigh!

I am blessed to have extremely sweet creatures as my friends (many of them boys). When they discovered my pitiful experience at smoking and drinking (which was by choice & not force) they took it upon themselves to prove the worthiness of these activities. They offered me flavoured tobacco ranging from double-apple, to strawberry, to mint and so many more that I cannot in all honesty remember them all. They offered me fruity and veggie concoctions of rotten grape juice (called cocktails and believed to be quiet fashionable). My father and subsequently my uncles and aunts have repeatedly asked me to join them over drinks ever since I was old enough to vote. I still cannot stomach the fumes but have learned to endure the company.

I truly believe that what we consume should always be a matter of personal taste. But fail to understand the psychology of those who willfully consume what has been rotting for ages! I once witnessed a poor girl (scorned by her lover) attempt suicide by consuming phenyle. The doctors fought a tough battle to save her. The family went through hell. In an article somewhere, it said that the basic components of a cigarette are actually used to make phenylalanine.

- Why then do seemingly happy men and women love to indulge in slow-poisoning themselves?
- How can someone consciously want to lose consciousness?
- How do people manage to drink so much that they have to throw up?
- If you can force yourself to drink and die, what stops you from forcing yourself to die of starvation?

These might sound rude and premature to some. Yet, what is the point of making the filthy rich richer while killing ourselves? If all that people spend on liquor and tobacco is donated to charity, the world will be a happier, richer and infinitely healthier place.

Quite recently, an extremely witty relative happened to visit us. On learning of my apathy towards dad's premium scotch, he declared that I was destined to be born again. According to him, when we reach the pearly gates, the greatest book-keepers of the universe, consult their excel sheets and run a checklist of our experiences and achievements. Those (like myself) who are found miserably inexperienced in all that the lord himself created (irrespective of eventual jurisdiction), are sent back for another attempt at redemption. While those experienced in all the seven vices are sent to the reference section of the library in heaven.

I enjoyed the humour and truly wish it true for the sake of all those I love to reach heaven. Maybe someday, we shall share all eternity together. In the meantime, I am content with collecting different types of stirrers and cocktail decorations. Cheers!